But first—sing.

Deuteronomy 20: 1,3 (Verses 20 and 21 of 145)

[The priest will] say, “Attention, Israel. In a few minutes you’re going to do battle with your enemies. Don’t waver in resolve. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Don’t panic. GOD, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.”

We are still in Deuteronomy. I did a bit of looking ahead and noted there are a total of 10 “Do not be afraid” verses in Deuteronomy—the third highest in all the books of the Bible. There are a lot that have nine—but Deuteronomy edges them out, and only Psalms and Isaiah have more.

I find this comforting because there’s so much in Deuteronomy that isn’t. This verse is Moses giving the young men of Israel instruction as they get ready to (how else to say it?) take over/ invade/ displace the people already living in the land God promised their ancestors. There are some difficult verses that come after this—passages hard for this modern-day reader to assimilate with my understanding of a God of unimaginable love. A God who loves all of creation. A God who loves personally. I feel like I want to apologize for those kinds of contradictions in the Bible. I can only admit I don’t have any answers.

There is something that comes immediately after the above verses, which I think is worth noticing in this journey through fear. There is a beautiful moment of grace offered to the young men who will be asked to put their lives on the line. They are given the option to return home, to leave the battlefield and return to their everyday lives if any of them have a milestone not yet celebrated and enjoyed—a new home, a new vineyard, a new marriage.

Why do I love this? Because it’s a reminder to me that first and foremost God’s plan is for us to enjoy the gift that is life. The thrill of making a home somewhere, of fulfilling work, or meeting someone to share our life with. These are things so important that in the harsh book of Deuteronomy the Israelites are excused from military service to go do them. The message is, “But first, live life to its fullest.”

In the fall of 2023, I was living in a new city with my daughter in a rental that had been horribly mistreated, and I was battling an infestation of boxelder bugs that crawled in through the windows, air vents, and flew inside each time we opened the front door. Not much in my life was going well: the home I was trying to sell after my divorce did not have any offers, the rental property management company insisted I pay for a huge water bill caused by a sprinkler leak unreported by the previous tenant, and I was incredibly lonely as I worked remotely from home each day. Fear surrounded me.

One morning, as I sat in the dark pouring out my sorrows to God, a voice dropped into my head. It said: Join the choir.

Just that. I hadn’t been part of a choir for 35 years. I cannot sing well. My voice cracks on any note higher than an octave above middle C. But I heeded that voice, and I showed up for the first day of rehearsals for the small choir at the church I had begun attending.

Reader, being part of that choir was one of the best things I have done—ever. They were funny, irreverent, intent on worshipping God, and some of the finest musicians I’ve ever known (the director and organist each had many, many published musical compositions and arrangements). And they accepted my crackling voice and let me join them in singing praises to God each Sunday. It was the single most life affirming thing I did. Nothing else about my situation changed for many months. But in the midst of all that fear, I listened to a voice that said—sing.

That moment taught me that God does not intend for fear to be our natural state. Life is what God intends first and foremost. And even in the scariest situations, God nudges us toward life.

Photo by David Beale on Unsplash